


Drag Race International

by BastetCG



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Comedy, Drag Queens, Drama, Fashion & Couture, Feminization, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Makeup, Nonbinary Character, Panties, Reality TV, RuPaul's Drag Race References, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:08:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastetCG/pseuds/BastetCG
Summary: Drag Race AU.Tune in on Friday nights at 9pm Eastern as eleven drag queens strut, tuck, and contour their way to the top as they compete for the Ciao Ciao crown.~"Did you use my beauty blender?" Almavivo asks, anger evident in her voice."What's a beauty blender?" Queen J.J. says.  She's obviously pushing Almavivo's buttons on purpose.Meanwhile, Cara is crying over her broken compact, makeup running horribly, while Terra Incognita is looking for better lighting for her selfie."So which panties are you gonna wear for the runway tonight?" Viktor Viktoria asks.  Femme Fatale goes bright pink."Why are you so interested in my underwear?"





	1. #sexy-seven

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've been bingeing RuPaul's and let me tell you I LIVE for the drama. This fic will not have a regular update schedule, unfortunately, but Ill be writing it in between other projects. It is purely self-indulgent, but hey, isn't everything I write?? If you're unfamiliar with Drag Race, you should still be able to understand the general plot, but I will probably be throwing some extra jokes/references in there from the actual show. Other characters will show up eventually, and there will definitely be a romance sub-plot, but the main focus is on the Drama(tm). I've tried to make who is who as obvious as possible, but here is a list for anyone that is confused.  
> Yuuri Katsuki- Femme Fatale  
> Viktor -Viktor Viktoria  
> Chris- Toxic Kate  
> JJ-Queen JJ  
> Phichit- Terra Incognita  
> Georgi- Kara B. Ross  
> Seung Gil-Almaviva  
> Michel-Serenade  
> Otabek- Samar Qasi  
> Leo-Blasfemia  
> Emil-Robotica

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've been bingeing RuPaul's and let me tell you I LIVE for the drama. This fic will not have a regular update schedule, unfortunately, but Ill be writing it in between other projects. It is purely self-indulgent, but hey, isn't everything I write?? If you're unfamiliar with Drag Race, you should still be able to understand the general plot, but I will probably be throwing some extra jokes/references in there from the actual show. Other characters will show up eventually, and there will definitely be a romance sub-plot, but the main focus is on the Drama(tm). I've tried to make who is who as obvious as possible, but here is a list for anyone that is confused.  
> Yuuri Katsuki- Femme Fatale  
> Viktor -Viktor Viktoria  
> Chris- Toxic Kate  
> JJ-Queen JJ  
> Phichit- Terra Incognita  
> Georgi- Kara B. Ross  
> Seung Gil-Almaviva  
> Michel-Serenade  
> Otabek- Samar Qasi  
> Leo-Blasfemia  
> Emil-Robotica

Upbeat catchy music plays as various shots of a pink and green room flash over one another.  There are several long tables and long mirrors, along with blocky dividers running along the walls.  A camera pans to a series of shelves holding trophies of a woman holding a checkered flag in each hand.  After a few more shots of the brightly colored room, the camera zooms in on a figure entering through the doorway.

 

_“Hi, my name is Leo de la Iglesia, but you can call me Blasfemia,” the B roll plays.  She claps her hands and closes her eyes as though in prayer.  “I’m twenty years old, and I am Miami’s favorite drag queen!”_

 

“Am I the first one here? Oh my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!”  Blasfemia walks around the room in a pair of tall heels and a tight pink dress.  “This is so surreal…”  She tucks a strand of black hair behind her ear.  Another figure struts, striking a pose in the entry.

“The Queen is here!” a deep voice proclaims.  Blasfemia gasps just before the B roll cuts in.

 

_“Hello world, I am Queen J.J. and I am here to win. I represent the finest drag that French Canada has to offer.”_

 

Back in the room, J.J. is approaching Blasfemia at one of the tables.  They stare at each other awkwardly for a second before another queen steals the attention.

“Terra Incognita is here, girls!” came her voice.  A dark skinned person in blue and white spins into the room, then drops into a split.

“Oh my God!” Blasfemia cries.  “Terra, bitch get over here!”

 

_“My name is Terra Incognita, I’m a Thai-American queen from Chicago, and this season of Ciao Ciao’s, I am serving some Instagram-worthy face.  Do not test me,” she tells the camera with a sassy smile._

 

“Blasfemia, you slut!” In the competition workroom, Blasfemia and Terra embrace.  Queen J.J. still looks uncomfortable.

 

_“The first thing I think when I see Terra is just, ‘Oh thank God, at least I’ll know one queen here.’”_

_“Let me tell you, Terra has come so far since I last saw her.  Her make up: amazing, her padding: plush, Her dick: tucked.  Incredible.” Terra kisses the tips of his fingers to imitate Ciao Ciao.  “Bellissima!”_

 

Another queen enters.  She is short, with a disgruntled look on her face.  She scowls at the three already in the workroom.  “Samar Qasi,” she says striking a rather unenergetic pose.  “I’m only here to get paid.”

 

_“My name is in reference to an Uzbek civilization and my eyebrows.”  The queen on the B roll has a dark undercut and the same unimpressed expression as the one in the brown and blue corset in the workroom.  “My eyebrows are very important to me.”_

 

None of the queens seem to recognize her, but they clap politely as he approaches them.  Before she can even open her mouth, another voice interrupts her.

“I hope you all didn’t start the orgy without me!”  She is tall, with a heavy French accent.  Terra’s hand flies to cover her mouth.  “Toxic Kate is ready to begin whenever you’re ready.”  She drops her dressing gown to reveal a strappy lingerie number in black and red.  She blows a kiss to the camera and winks.

 

_“I am losing my mind,” Terra tells the B roll.  “Kate is fantastic.  I’ve looked up to her for years, and dare I say it, she’s even more beautiful in real life!”_

_Queen J.J. grimaces.  “Toxic Kate and I have a bit of a history.  She refuses to acknowledge my existence, and I remind him he’s not really French.”_

_“J.J. seems sweet,” Kate says.  “For a straight guy”_

 

“Oh, Queen J.J.” she says as she steps towards them.  “I see you haven’t learned anything about laying your edges.”  J.J.’s jaw drops, and she lets out a disbelieving laugh.

“And I see you still can’t keep your dick in your panties.”

Terra, Blasfemia, and Samar all avoid eye contact.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m only teasing.”

“Well, I—”

“Initiating entrance sequence.  I have arrived.”  A spangle-costumed competitor steps onto the scene with pursed lips.  She has a very pronounced goatee the same color as her wig.

 

_“I’m Emil, better known as Robotica.  I’m from the Czech Republic, and I’m here to show the world that the drag scene is not just America.  We are everywhere and we are ready to slay.”_

 

“Mickey, get in here!” Robitica called into the hallway.  After a few seconds, a much more modestly dressed woman joins her.

“I’m not Mickey here, bitch.  It’s Serenade.  Remember it.”

 

_“I’m Seranade.  I’m twenty-three and my drag persona is an homage to my sister Sara.  She’s fashionable and strong and she’s been an inspiration to me since I took drag up as a hobby.”  He looked vaguely uncomfortable.  “I recognize a few faces, but I tend to come off as rude and aggressive in front of new people.”_

 

They both take their places at the table, and Kate immediately asks, “Oh are you two together?”

“What?!” Serenade sputters.  “Absolutely not!”

“Mickey’s a good friend!  We perform at a lot of the same clubs together.”

“And where are two from?” Blasfemia asks.

“Italy.”

“I’m Czech. Oh girl,” she addresses Samar, “I’m loving the corset.”

“Thanks.”

Robotica grins, as if Samar had actually responded politely.

“I’m not interested in making friends.  I’m here to win,” a new queen states from her model pose in the doorway.

“Ah, shit, bitch!” Terra snaps her fingers.

The new queen looks almost as bored as Samar, but her narrowed eyes suggest it is less neutral and much more vindictive.

 

_“My name is Almavivo.  I’m a second generation Canadian citizen.  My family is originally from South Korea.”_

 

Robotica perks up.  “Seung-gil!  It’s great to see you again!”

Everyone else tries not to say anything as Almavivo’s stare turns scathing.  Terra’s eyes in particular appear to be bugging out of her head.

“Don’t ever speak to me do you understand.”

Robotica laughs.

 

_“Biiiitch,” J.J. says in the B roll.  “Robotica seems like a nice girl, honestly.  But she is so fucking dumb.”_

_Kate just laughs maniacally for a few long seconds before looking the camera straight on and grinning, “Shit.”_

 

Almavivo tosses her long layered skirt to the side, then stalks to the opposite side of the work room.

“Who’s next, who’s next?” Blasfemia says.

A terrifying cackle disrupts the punchy music, and the frame shakes.  A queen who appears to be dripping in black cloth stands posed dramatically with her arms up.

“If you have any dreams of winning, you’d best give them up right now!  I, Cara B. Rosse, will be stealing the crown this season!”

 

_B roll interrupts, showing Terra with a strangely forced smile.  After a few moments, it switches to show Almavivo, looking constipated._

_“I don’t know who the hell this queen thinks she is, but her make up looks like shit.  I’mma be the first one to tell her so too.”_

_Kate appears, laughing uncomfortably for a while.  Then she blows out a long breath.  “What the fuck.”_

_“I’m Cara, the evil witch.  I am very much a pageant queen, but with a darker twist.  My style is heavily influenced by American glam Goth.  I’m a makeup artist in Vegas at the moment, but I’m originally from Russia.”_

 

“Who did your make up?” Serenade asks cautiously.

“Uh, me?  Obviously.”

“Oh.”

Almost everyone at the table looks extremely uncomfortable.  Samar actually looks more perplexed that awkward.

“Your eyebrows look awful,” she says.

 

_“Bitch,” Almavivo says on the B roll._

 

“Well, I wanted them this blocky.  It’s for the aesthetic.”

The camera zooms in as Blasfemia rolls her eyes.

“Well it matches your overall look,” Robotica says, trying to make peace.

Terra coughs into her shoulder.

Luckily, another queen is bursting into the scene.

“A round of applause, please!”  A leg extends from the side of the entrance as smooth seductive music plays.  The queen steps out in a long black gown and pearls which peak out just above a black ermine shawl.

“No,” Terra says with a growing smile.  “No!  Bitch, get in here!”

 

_“My name is Katsuki Yuuri,” a much more timid queen says on the B roll.  “I’m from Detroit, and I take on the persona of Femme Fatale when I perform.”  He grins shyly.  “I was so grateful to see Terra there.  We’ve been friends for years.  We perform together all the time in Chicago, and having him here I think is really going to be a blessing.” He laughs._

 

“What’s up sluts?” Femme asks, inspecting a gloved hand.  She breaks into a seductive smirk.

“Bitch!” Terra ambushes Femme before she can even move.  Fortunately, Femme has enough upper body strength to catch Terra and swing her around a bit.

Everyone still at the table are glancing at each other, as they watch.

 

_“That’s a duo that’s gonna be hard to beat.  I see them and immediately think I gotta keep them apart,” Serenade says, out of drag._

_“At least her eyebrows are better than Cara’s,” Samar says._

_“Shit,” J.J. pinches the bridge of his nose._

 

There’s a cut back to the workroom as Terra leads Femme to the table with everyone else.  Femme’s smile falters as she takes everyone in.

“Not to be a bitch,” Serenade says, “but your look seems kind of familiar.”

Femme balks for a second, but plasters her smile back on.

 

_“It’s probably pretty obvious, but I take a lot of my inspiration from Viktor Viktoria.  I saw her perform when I was in college, and she literally changed my life,” Femme admits in the B roll.  “I was a film major, so seeing a drag queen using Old Hollywood style and turning it into something new was incredible, not to mention how perfect her everything always looks.”_

_“Femme never shuts up about Viktor.  It’s actually pretty cute,” Terra giggles._

_“I can’t wait to tell Viktor that her little boy-toy is defending her style,” says Kate.  “She’ll be so flattered.”_

 

“It’s a little Old Hollywood,” Femme says acknowledging the criticism.  “But I have a lot more than just Old Hollywood.”

“Your make up is flawless,” Robotica says.  “What setting spray do you use?”

Before Femme can reply a siren goes off and everyone startles.  A man with long hair drawn up in a ponytail steps out from behind a door.  All the queens begin tittering and approaching him.

“Ciao Ciao, everyone!”

“Ciao Ciao!” they all reply back.

 

_“And in that moment, it hit me,” says Cara.  “This is it.  This is Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race.  We are really here, and there is really a hundred grand on the line.”_

 

“Welcome to the drag race, everyone.  I can see there are some familiar faces,” the camera lingers on Femme, Terra, and J.J. “and some new ones.  But you all have one thing in common.”

The queens glance around at each other, trying to figure out the similarities.

 

_“I know he’s getting at something,” Blasfemia says, “but I don’t really want to have anything in common with J.J. or Cara.”_

 

“All of you have a very strong connection to your home countries and cultures.  Welcome…to Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race International!” The queens clap and cheer among themselves.  “But there’s a twist.  You will not be competing for one hundred thousand dollars.”

“What?” Almavivo says, blinking slowly.

“You will be competing for _two_ hundred thousand dollars.”

The queens begin screaming and high-fiving.  Cara looks like she is on the verge of tears.

“But wait, there’s one more surprise!”

“Hello girls!” says a voice off screen.  All the queens turn to face the camera, their faces dropping in shock.

With the sound of an engine, the title card flies in, robbing viewers the satisfaction of knowing who would be joining the queens.

“The winner of Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race International will win two hundred thousand dollars, in addition to a year’s supply of make up by Demeter of L.A.”

 

* * *

 

 

**RevUpThoseFriers**

Oh my goddd I am living for Almaviva she’s suh a bitch!!

**DiccsMcGee**

I love that terra and femme are such good friends!  It’s gonna be so hard to watch when one of them gets kicked off!!! D:

**Carolinne**

BITCH! THEY ALL WNE TOFF ON CARA I AM LIVING FOR THIS

         **Fanfaire_75**

        Honestly, like yeah her make up sucks, but it could be way worse.

              **673826bbb3728**

               Yeah, she’s used to doing stage make up for Vegas.  It makes sense that it would be super over the top?  They’re really going after her.

                        **Carolinne**

                       Ya’ll are forgetting that modern drag, by definition, is over the top anyway.  That’s not the problem, the problem is that she’s just really bad at make up.

                                  **FemeFatalGuril99**

                                  Yeah, and that’s kind of like a foundational drag skill?  I don’t know how she’s gonna get past this ep tbh :/

                                   +view more comments

**Pussymonstar**

I’m so shook who do you think it’s gonna be??  I hope it’s Cao Bin!!

          **DiccsMcGee**

         Cao Bin was in Korea when they filmed, so probably not

                  **Pussymonstar**

                 A girl can dream *cries gently*

**CioaCioa**

Omg Blasfemia is so cute? She’s only twenty??? Is she the youngest this season?

         **Padmeharderdaddy**

        I’m pretty sure Samar is younger.  She’s nineteen.

                   **CioaCioa**

                  Holy shit??? She looks way older than that,,

                           **thedoctorismybf**

                          Yeah, but did you see Terra?  She looks like she’s twelve.

                                    **CioaCioa**

                                   Lmao you’re not wrong

**Rageandfear_55**

I’m sfuckin snatched my guys, I saw Femme and Terra’s last performance together it was so amzing I really hope we get team/couples challenges they are going to DESTROY

        **Memefuccer**

        Omg pics or it didn’t happen

                  **Rageandfear_55**

                 Read em and weep bitchh!!!

                           **Memefuccer**

                           HOLY SHIT

                                   **jojosbizarreassventure**

                                  OH MY GOD

**xxmexxandxxyouxx**

Have y’all seen the pics from Kate and Femme’s performance at the drag expo last April? Bc this is nothing complared to that shit

         **Succy24**

        WAT

          **revvysan**

         I need these images, please I am beggingg,,

**xxmexxandxxyouxx**

                 I’m sure thir floating around on tumblr somewhere?  But there was a pole involved…

                         **Pussymonstar**

                         BITCH YOU CANT DO THAT TO ME

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri sighed and locked his phone.

“What are they saying?  Good things I hope.”

“Yeah, mostly just the usual stuff about the drama Seung-Gil and Georgi were starting.”

“Nothing about me?”

“You haven’t even been revealed yet.  Someone was hoping it was Cao Bin.”

“Cao Bin was in Korea during filming, wasn’t he?”

Yuuri laughed.  “Yeah, but they already got that straightened up.”

“You mean gayed up.”

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t!  You wouldn’t be engaged to me if you did.”

“Move over you two, I got popcorn!”  Phichit appeared with a large bowl.  “Oh good, still commercials.”

“Do we have to watch this?  We already know how it ends,” Yuuri sighed.  He glanced at the two trophies staring down at them from the mantel piece.

“Yes,” both his companions said at the same time.

“God, I wish you two had never met.”

“Are you embarrassed?”

“Of course I’m embarrassed!  This is embarrassing!  My parents are going to see this!  All our friends!”

“Shouldn’t you know what the damage is then?” Phichit grinned through a hand full of popcorn.

“No.  I’ll just want to hole up in my bedroom until everyone who’s seen this season dies.”

“Yuuri~!”

“Don’t Yu-uri, me!”

“Shh, shh! It’s back on!”

 

* * *

 

“Hello girls!” the voice says.  The camera zooms in on Femme and Kate’s reaction.

 

_Out of drag, Femme has his hands steepled in front of his face.  He takes a deep breath in, then lets it out shakily._

 

“You fucking whore!” Kate yells as she runs towards the mystery queen.  The two embrace, kissing each cheek.  “You told me you were visiting family in Russia!”

“I lied, bitch!”

 

_“Well,” Blasfemia sighs.  “I might as well pack up and go home now.”_

_Femme is still shakily exhaling._

_J.J. rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out.  “I’mma be fucked up if I gotta compete against Viktor fucking Viktoria.  This bitch is always stealing my spotlight.”_

 

The camera zooms in on Terra nudging Femme in the background.  Viktor Viktoria gently parades herself up to Ciao Ciao, who takes her hand and kisses it.

“So glad to have you here, Viktor.”

“I ought to be thanking you,” she said with a wink.  Turning in her huge ass heels, she grins down at the other competitors.  “Are you all ready for this?  Because I have a letter from one Miss Lilia Baranovskaya.”  She produces an envelope, tears it open.

 

_“God, I wish I were that envelope,” Femme whispers in the B roll._

 

“Dear Queens, Welcome to the race.  Ciao Ciao’s is a place where we can all feel accepted and loved while pushing each other to the next level.  For anyone unfamiliar with the process, each week there will be a challenge and a runway.  Your job is to rise to that challenge and run that runway.  A panel of celebrity judges will observe and offer critiques.  The two bottom queens will…oh…that must be a mistake,” Viktor pauses.  He looks up, completely confused.  “You can’t have two bottom queens.  Nothing will get done if they’re both bottoms.”

 

_“Fuck, of course she’s funny too,” Femme says.  She covers his face and muffles a scream._

_“Femme said that?” Kate laughs.  “Mon cheri, I can tell you right now.  Viktor isn’t funny, she’s just an idiot.”_

 

“Viktor—” warns Ciao Ciao.

“Sorry sorry.  Where was I?  Ah, yes.  The two bottom queens will then compete against one another for their right to stay on for another week.  The loser will be eliminated.”  He tosses the first page of the letter.  “So without further ado, your length challenge this week is to create a look based off one of the seven deadly sins.”

“Hashtag sexy-seven,” Ciao Ciao supplies from the sidelines.  “Andiamo, raggazze!”

Immediately, all the queens rush from their little audience to the pile of suitcases strategically not shown in earlier shots of the room.  With very little transition time, the room becomes a mess.  Wig heads tumble down into waiting hands, hot glue guns are heating up and dangerous, a single sewing machine crashes to a work table.  Somehow there is already a package of glitter spilt on the floor.

 

_“We get a week to work on a deadly runway look?” Terra asks the camera.  “Let me tell you my pussy is dripping!” he makes a pinching gesture for emphasis.  “Talk about starting strong!”_

_“Ah, I don’t know what I’m going to do!” Blasfemia cries.  “My entire shtick is that I’m a corrupted nun!  I have too many options!”_

 

“Hey, is gossiping a sin?” Terra whispers to Kate.

Kate’s eyebrows shoot up her forehead as she removes her wig.

“What about showing people your ex’s nudes?  No?”

“Bitch you didn’t,” Kate gasps.  Terra just smiles uncomfortably.

 

_“I gotta watch out for this ho, she is brutal,” Kate says to the camera._

 

Back in the workroom Viktor Viktoria is circling Femme Fatale.  Femme looks equal parts confused and mortified.

 

_“It’s been months since I got to see Femme, and I am just so excited to talk to her again!  She’s so much fun, you know?”_

_“Viktor is studying me, and the only thing I can think is, ‘Oh God, I hope my edges are laid nice.’”_

_“I went to one of her shows in Detroit in April, and she was hilarious!  She brought me up on stage and read me to ribbons!  She’s an amazing dancer too.”_

_“If she said something mean to me I’d probably cry,” Femme says shifting in her chair._

 

Femme unwraps her shawl and kicks off her shoes, obviously trying to ignore Viktor.

“Oh wow!  You’re shorter than I expected!” Viktor says.  Femme’s eyes widen.  “Your padding is amazing too!”  Viktor grabs Femme’s skirt and lifts it up to get a look at her pads.  Femme’s hands shoot up to cover her face as she squeals.

“I’m not wearing padding,” she squeaks.

“Panties!” Viktor gasps.

 

_The B roll shows Femme Fatale covering her face in her hands, gently shaking her head._

 

“Your ass is real?”

“Please don’t make me answer that.”

“Amazing!  Kara, come look!”

“Oh my,” Kara smiles from across the room.

“Bitch you ain’t padding?” J.J. says from his place at one of the tables.  He’s in the middle of bejeweling some kind of crown.

“No.  I just…It’s too much…a lot of times.”  She pulls her skirt out of Viktor’s hands and begins to pull off her falsies.  Viktor is still hovering over her as she rolls her gloves off.

 

_“The only way for Viktor to be any more obvious about his favoritism towards Fatale, would be if she straight up said it,” Almavivo says out of drag._

 

Samar approaches Almavivo back in the workroom.  They glance at each other for a moment, but ultimately do not speak to each other as they work.

Cara is in the middle of pushing various materials through a sewing machine and appears to already be crying.  Blasfemia walks by, stops to pat her on the back, but grimaces, and keeps walking.

“Is she alright?” Robotica asks.

If Blasfemia had eyebrows, they would have gone up as she shrugged.

“Ignore her,” Seranade says.  “Focus on yourself.  Like what sin you’re going for.”

“I’m thinking about doing sloth,” Robotica grins.  Seranade narrows her eyes.

 

_“I’m a pretty energetic person, so I figured I could really jump out of my comfort zone the first week, you know?  Show everyone that I’m not just the silly queen everyone is expecting.” Robotica tells the camera on the B roll._

_“Robotica is going to lose the challenge,” says Seranade.  “She’s too sunny to really grasp sloth.  I’m not going to say anything though.  Less competition.”_

_“We’re all siting around for a week, pulling these looks out of our asses, and we’re finally all getting ready on elimination day, and suddenly it hits me.” Kate says.  “I have no idea what Viktor is doing, and she kind of needs supervision.  Constantly.”_

 

The queens are all lined up along the mirrored wall, caking their faces in makeup.  The shot changes to show Kate and Viktor next to one another, speaking in whispers.

“Really?”

“Yeah.  I feel like everyone is expecting me to do pride, you know?”

“Well, yeah.”

“But you know me.”

“Yeah, you’re not prideful, just oblivious,” Kate rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling.  “I’m pretty sure Robotica is doing sloth too, you know.”

Viktor shrugs as she smears white power under her eyes.  “There’s eleven of us and only seven sins.  There’s bound to be some duplicates.”

“Wow, you actually did math!”

“Thanks, I used the calculator by myself and everything.”  She seems serious

Kate snorts a laugh into her setting power, causing it to fly everywhere.

The camera passes to J.J. speaking to Seranade, also in low tones.

“So who do you think is the weakest queen here?” J.J. asks.

“Hmm.  In terms of talent, or like, mentality?”

“Both?  Either?”

“Well, from what I can tell, Femme is just a Viktor knock-off, and I’m pretty sure I caught her crying in the bathroom a few days ago.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.  She must get stressed easily.”  A shot of Femme Fatale and Terra Incognita giggling together cuts in.  Seranade continues.  “That being said, Cara is just a mess.  Look at her make up.”

J.J. glances, and the camera shifts to show Cara vigorously powdering her nose.  Her lips are over-lined and messy, and her contour is so dramatic she looks more like a clown that a queen.  J.J. laughs so hard her drops his compact.  Kara snaps her head to glare at both of them.

“Shit,” Queen J.J. says, but she’s still laughing.

 

_Kara scowls into the camera, out of drag.  “They may think they’re too far away for me to hear, but they’re not and I am not pleased.”_

_“Her eyebrows!” J.J. wheezes.  “What the fuck!”_

 

Suddenly, there is stock footage of stadium lights flashing on over a race track, accompanied by dramatic, punchy music.  The shot changes as Ciao Ciao struts out in an elegant purple wrap gown, her long hair teased into a glamourous up do.

“Welcome to the Drag Race runway!  Allow me to introduce our fabulous panel of celebrity judges for this week’s competition.  The love of my life, but never my wife, Lilia Baranovskaya!”

“Charmed as always, Ciao Ciao,” Lilia says.  She is an older woman, her voice as severe as her cheek bones.  She does not looked pleased.

“The famous designer and always-constipated Yakov Feltsman, everyone!”

Yakov grunts and coughs, almost throwing his hat off in the process.  “Excuse you, it’s only ninety percent of the time.”  He sounds completely serious.

“And of course, the beautiful and talented, Minako Okukawa.  How’re your feet doing dear?  I hear those red shoes are the worst.”

“Ciao Ciao, you don’t need an excuse to see my feet dear.  Just catch me after the show, hmm?”

Ciao Ciao blows her a kiss.  “This week’s theme is truly sinful.  Let’s see how naughty our queens can be.  Regazze, lavioramo!

 

The punchy music fades back in, as the cameras pan and zoom on the first queen entering the neon purple runway.  Blasfemia snarls and strikes a pose at the end of the runway.  Her look is heavily goth inspired, with tall black boots and a latex mini dress.

“I am serving up hot, burning wrath today.  Growing up Catholic, you learn that the three biggest virtues are faith, love, and charity, so I figured wrath must be the biggest sin out there,” Blasfemia’s voice says as she sways her hips on the catwalk.  “Go big or go home.”

“Did someone pour a can of black paint over her?” Minako’s voice laughs.

“Is there a church service going on in the BDSM club tonight?” Yakov asks.

“In the name of the B, the D, the S, and the M,” jokes Ciao Ciao.

 

Next is J.J. wearing what appears to be a sequined pants suit and a crown.  He carries a mirror with him, and periodically stops to check it.

“I have been told by all kinds of haters that I’m full of myself.  Well, I’mma take that and win Ciao Ciao’s, bitch!  My Pride look is on point.”

“Mirror, mirror, who’s got the tightest cooch of them all?” Minako says.

“There’s so much reflection going on up there I think I might be going blind,” draws out Lilia.

 

Terra struts out next, covered head-to-toe in green.  She purses her lips, and drapes her white boa over shoulders with a sharp flare.  “I really went out on a limb by choosing envy, I think,” she says. “I just hope it gets the idea across.”  As she gets to the end of the runway, she casts a jealous look at the judges and balls up her boa like she thinks someone might try to steal it.

“I am so gagged I’m turning blue!” Ciao Ciao says.

“Don’t you mean green, Darling?” Lilia asks.

 

Samar Qasi has chosen gluttony, demonstrated by her over-padded hips and breasts, as well as her pig ears and prosthetic nose.  Her dress is the color of coffee, but her heels are bright pink.

“Oink oink,” affects Minako.  She sounds impressed, though where that awe is coming from is unclear.

 

Toxic Kate slinks on next, wearing next to nothing.  Some pasties and a red thong are the only things keeping her body from getting a pixel treatment.

“Lust was an obvious choice for me.  I have built my entire character around being sexy and alluring,” Kate dubs over her runway walk.

“Oh, Yakov, I think maybe I saw you trying that outfit on the last time we went shopping together,” Ciao Ciao jokes.

“God, I wish you hadn’t given me that visual,” Minako groans.

 

Strutting out in a blue fur-trimmed nightgown, Robotica sighs with her whole body.  The outfit billows behind her as she sways to the front of the runway.

“What a knock out!” Minako jokes.  “I’ll be in a coma for weeks after this runway!”

“I will not be sleeping on this look,” Ciao Ciao agrees.

 

Next is Serenade, dressed in what appears to be a mermaid dress made of seaweed.  “Envy is green.  Obviously.  I know that Terra’s already sold the judges on her look, but I gotta make them see mine as a step up.  I gotta own that runway,” she says.  The judges are oddly silent as she clicks up and down the catwalk.

 

Almavivo poses next.  She’s heavily padded, wearing a jump-suit covered in cash and a gold corset.  There are fake dollar bills sticking out of every opening in the costume.  She struts with a sour expression on her face.

“Maybe all that glitters _is_ gold,” Lilia comments dryly.

 

The music turns thunderous as Cara enters, draped in black cloth.  She runs her tongue over her teeth to reveal fangs, and her lipstick is smeared over her chin like blood.  Her sleeves run far passed her hands, and the cloth swings with each step.

“Evil witch, indeed,” Yakov grunts.

“I recently broke up with a long-term girlfriend, essentially because she was bored of me,” Georgi states.  “So what better way to channel my rage than into a wrath inspired piece of fashion?”

 

Next, Femme Fatale steps out onto the catwalk.  She is wearing a small pink kimono.  She coyly shuffles down stage, until she hits the end, where she slips the kimono off, revealing lacy red lingerie.  She brings a hand up to her lips and draws a finger down her lips with a seductive smirk.  “To be honest, I thought about doing gluttony at first, but it just…uh…It wasn’t going to work.  So I figured I’d do what more people would expect.  So lust it is”

“Shit, bitch!  Your tits!” Minako laughs.

“Definitely sinful,” says Lilia.

“Oh, that rear!” Ciao Ciao says as Femme turns around.  The camera zooms in on Femme’s butt as she walks back.  The lacy boy shorts are riding up what is definitely her real ass.

The final queen is Viktor Viktoria, who is in a terry cloth bathrobe, curlers in her thick blonde wig, and bedroom slippers.  Her makeup is completely busted, and she stumble walks to the end of the runway.  She drops her bathrobe to reveal that she is wearing absolutely nothing underneath.  Four audible gasps are the only sounds from the judges.

 

_Out of drag, Viktor gives a nervous smile and shrugs dramatically.  “Listen, I have quite a bit of experience being lazy.  What?  Do you think I wear clothes around my house?  HA!”_

 

There a few more shots showing her masterful tuck as she exits the runway.  Lilia turns to Ciao Ciao.  “Where did she put it?” the subtitles read as she whispers.

Ciao Ciao is visibly gagged and can only blink in response.

 

 _“It is week one,” Almavivo says to the camera.  “It is_ week one _, and Viktor is already pulling this fuck shit.  Unbelievable.”  She angrily blows a strand of hair out of her face._

 

“Ladies, Congratulations on getting through your first challenge.”  All the queens are lined up on the stage, waiting for Ciao Ciao to announce the winner.  “ _Complimenti_ , Viktor, you destroyed this competition.”

 

_On the B roll, Almavivo rolls her eyes and huffs._

_“I don’t think anyone is surprised that Viktor won,” Kate says.  She doesn’t seem too impressed.  “Was I hoping for a win?  Of course.  But I can recognize dick magic when I see it.”_

 

“ _Spasibo_ ,” Viktor says with a nod of her head.

“Robotica, Femme Fatale, Terra Incognita, Cara, Queen J.J., Blasfemia, please step forward.”  The Queens do so.  “You are all safe.  Please join Viktor at the back of the stage.”

When they’re gone, four queens remain in the spotlight.  None of them look particularly excited to be there.

 

_“Aahhhhhh,” Kate groans.  “Don’t tell me I’m bottom four the first week?”_

_“Nobody wants to lip sync the first week,” Seranade complains._

_“This is ridiculous,” Almavivo says._

_Samar lets out a long sigh, but her expression is unaffected._

 

“It’s time to hear the judges’ examinations.  Starting with Almavivo.”

“I feel like this is a very basic look,” Lilia says.  “You’re in a jump-suit dripping in money.  Are you greed or a sugar baby?  I can’t tell.”

“I agree it’s a little too basic,” says Minako.  “But I disagree that it’s confusing.  I think it’s ham fisted.”

“Your make up is too dark,” Lilia adds.  You need to figure out how to contour without darkening your skin.  Get some highlight, sweetheart.”

 

“Seranade,” Ciao Ciao interrupts.  “What sin were you going for?”

“Uh, Envy.”

“Hmm.”

“I didn’t get that at all,” Yakov grunts.  “So you’re dressed in green.  That does not make it envy-worthy.”

“I think the hardest part of this is that Terra had already gone, and she knocked it out of the park.  You didn’t have the stage presence that she did.  She made us understand that her green was envy.  You dropped the ball.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Lilia comments.  “If you want to stay in this competition, you’re going to need to step it up.”

“Toxic Kate.  Your lust look was obvious, but I must say I’m not particularly impressed with the look itself,” Ciao Ciao critiques.

“You took the easy road with this,” Minako says.  “You’re an amazingly sexy queen, Kate, but the look was too simple for me.”

“Sometimes simple is better.  I thought your presence on the runway was griping.”  Yakov nods as he finishes his sentence.

“You obviously have experience in being, uh, sexy.  But being sexy and being the object of lust are two separate things.  You weren’t titillating enough.  Lust is about making another want you, and I think you were so wrapped up in being sexy you forgot that there needs to be some kind of mystery to it.”  Chris blinks and smiles politely at Lilia’s comments.

“And finally Samar Qasi.”

“I thought this was adorable,” Minako jumps in.  “Does it scream gluttony to me?  Eh…” she makes a so-so gesture with her hand.  “But I think you did a great job using your size to make yourself look portly.”

Lilia says, “I thought it was distasteful.  If this were a comedy bit, perhaps this wouldn’t be an issue, but on this runway among a whole team of glamor looks, this one was a flop in the mud for me.”

“Your prosthetics look very well made.  Your make up is wonderful.  The look is not,” comments Yakov.

“The jury and I need to discuss the verdict,” Ciao Ciao dismisses them.  The queens all file out, including the seven lined up along the back stage.

 

_“Jesus Christ,” Serenade says out of drag.  She’s rubbing her forehead.  “This is the most intense shit I’ve ever been a part of, and I might be going home!”_

_“I literally had no idea what I was doing this challenge,” says Samar.  “I had to look up what the seven deadly sins were.”_

_“They didn’t think I was lusty enough!”  Kate has a hand over her chest, looking distraught.  “Me! Not lusty!”_

 

The judges deliberate for a while sending silly quips and puns at one another, mostly reiterating what they’d said to the bottom four.  But then Ciao Ciao changes the subject.

“But top three, who would you pick?”

“Well obviously Viktor,” Minako laughs.  “Where the hell did she put her thing?!”

“I’m still thinkin’ about that to be honest,” Ciao Ciao mutters.

“Aside from Viktor, I think Robotica really shone tonight,” offers Yakov.

“You’re only saying that because her look was beautiful,” Lilia disagrees.  “I understood that it was sloth, but that is not what sloth looks like.  I think Viktor did a much better job at embodying what the sin actually is.”

“We can’t have two naked queens running around,” points out Minako.

“What about Femme Fatale?” Yakov asks.

“Oh my God, count my ass seduced!” Minako replies.

“Again, Feme did a much better job of embodying the real appearance of the sin than say, Kate.  She had a character that changed as she came forward.”

“And no padding!” Ciao Ciao says.

“Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal!” comments Minako.  The other judges snort, but Ciao Ciao bangs the gavel in front of her.

“Order, order!  _Reggazze!  Ritorna da me!_ ”

 

The girls file out, the bottom four heading to the front again.

“Almavivo, your look was high fashion and cohesive, but your money was not where your mouth was.  This week, you are…safe.”

Almavivo sucks in a deep breath and nods before stepping to the back of the stage.

“Seranade, your green gown did not make us turn green with envy.  I’m sorry dear, but you’re up for elimination.”

Seranade’s head drops.

“Toxic Kate, Samar Qasi.  Both of your looks left the judge and jury wanting.  Kate, I’m sorry, but you are also up for elimination.  Samar, if you could join the rest of the queens.”

 

_“I was a little shocked that Kate was in the bottom two,” Viktor tells the camera.  “She really prides herself on her body and her persona, so I think this is gonna shake her a bit._

_Robotica grimaces as she says, “Seranade is in deep shit.  She is not…exactly the best dancer.  Um.  And I can’t see her face, but her posture is screaming uncomfortable to me.”_

 

The camera zooms in on the two competing girls.  Kate is ripping off her slip and already shaking her hips as the music begins.  Seranade is stiff and jerky as she dances.  A title card fades into the lower left corner of the screen, stating that the song they are dancing to is “Cheap Thrills” by Sia.

 

_“If any of these queens think I’m going home the first week without a fight, they are sorely mistaken.  I am looking to kill with this song,” Kate says on the B roll._

 

The lip sync is short, lasting maybe a minute before the music fades.  The entire time, Kate is performing, getting into the music, and making a scene.  Serenade, on the other hand, has barely moved into the space on her side of the stage.

 

_“I’m not sure what Serenade is doing,” Terra says to the camera, “But I am living for Kate’s style.”_

_“I would not want to be in a lip sync against Kate, that’s for sure,” says Blasfemia._

 

“Kate, _Bellisima_!” Ciao Ciao says when everyone has gone quiet.  Kate looks up to the ceiling and covers her face in gratitude.

“Thank you,” she finally manages to get out.  She quickly makes her way to the other queens who are politely applauding for her.

“Serenade, here is the _stivale_.”  Ciao Ciao pulls out a fancy leather boot and reaches across the judges’ table.  “So sorry, Sweetheart.  In another life.”

Serenade nods as she takes the boot, looking close to tears.  She exits the stage.

 

_On B roll, she groans.  “I don’t know what the hell happened.  I feel like I just wasted the biggest opportunity of my life, you know?  Ciao Ciao always says, ‘in another life,’ but what about this life, huh?”_

 

There is a shot of her back in the work room, picking up one of the trophies from the shelf.  “I didn’t get to stay long, but hey.  Connections are important.”  She shrugs, looking rather dejected, then using lipstick, she writes a message to her fellow competitors on one of the mirrors.

 

The credits roll.

~

**minakoismymom**

I AM SHOOKEDTH AFTER THAT REVEAL

        **CioaCioa**

       Honest to god I need to know where he put it???!?!?!?

**F_ckGuts**

I feel so bad that Kate makes fun of her for being so dumb bc obviously she has knowledge, just not like…book smarts.

          **Nastywoman1995**

         Kate and Viktor are good friends.  I’m sure if Kate is teasing, Viktor is aware and not all that bothered by it.

                **F_ckGuts**

               I mean I guess, but it still seems kind of shitty..

              +view more comments

**dragmetociaociaos**

OK but can we talk about femme for a second bc WTF WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM

        **fridgewater**

       Lke, I knew she was sexy, but that was HHHHHHAHAAHAHHHHHHHHnnnn

                  **dragmetociaociaos**

                 RIGHT?? MY DICK WAS OFFICIALLY SNATCHED

         **ToxicKatesMainBitch**

        Hot damn bitch!! FUCC IT UPP!!!

**Corsetbunny69**

         HONESTLY  she usually got that old Hollywood sensuality to her, like an alluring aura??? But this was straight up playboy centerfold and I AM ON FIRE

                 +view more comments

**SongsandSighs**

Awww, I was hoping Serenade would have a little longer to prove herself,,

      **CioaCioa**

     To be fair though, her look was the weakest out of everyone’s

**DiccsMcGee**

          Ok but wtf was up with Samar’s look

**SongsandSighs**

                   Poor girl didn’t even kno what the sins were, maybe a translation error??? 

**Concentration1179**

Viktor looked straight up like a messy Kesha why tf did she win??

      **Xx_xx_xx**

       Omg shut fhe fuck up did you not see that TUCK

**James_Matson**

I think maybe some of these queens are a little gay :/

        **basstio**

       Please tell me your joking

**lunafriga**

Why was Cara not in the bottom? Her dress was a hot mess

        **PussyMonstar**

      She looked like a vampire too I thought lilia hated vampires

**Concentration1179**

                She does, but it still followed the theme better than the others did, Plus her presensne was more wrathy than the others were for their sins.

**lunafriga**

                          Uhhh,,, okay but Kate’s was pretty obviously lust and Cara’s took me a while??

                          +view more comments

~

“Yuuri~!  You had such a big crush on me!”

Phichit laughed as Yuuri let out a long high pitched whine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and questions are always appreciated! You can come bother me on tumblr [here](https://bastetcg.tumblr.com)   
> I love talking to people, especially about writing!  
> Also a huge thank you to GinoGollum who drew this [amazing Femme Fatale](https://ginogollum.tumblr.com/post/161097054428/a-fanart-based-on-bastetcg-wonderful-au-drag-race) !


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a whopping 9.1k words, and let me tell you the whole thing is a mess, but it's #realness

_Previously on Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race International…_

 

A quick montage of all the drag queens entering the workroom plays through.

“All of you have a very strong connection to your home countries and cultures.  Welcome…to Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race International!  But there’s a twist.  You will not be competing for one hundred thousand dollars.  You will be competing for two hundred thousand dollars!  But wait, there’s one more surprise!”

“Hello girls!” Viktor Viktoria enters.

The shot cuts to the challenge as the different queens strut on the runway.  The bottom four hear their critiques, and shots of the lip sync play one right after another.  Finally, Ciao Ciao gives Serenade the boot.  The shot fades to sepia and the music becomes ominous.

 

The group of queens march into the workroom with a collective sigh.  Kate approaches the mirror covered in red waxy writing and reads off the message.

“‘Good luck, girls.  Best wishes, Serenade.’  Aww, how sweet!” Kate sprays water on the mirror and begins wiping the lipstick away.  “Bye bitch!”

A few of the queens, most notably Robotica, raise their eyebrows. 

 

_“Don’r get me wrong, I like Kate,” Robotica says, “But Serenade is my friend, and I don’t appreciate her calling my friend a bitch like that.”_

 

“What the hell happened out there?” Cara asks no one in particular.

“The judges are really harsh!” says Terra.

“Okay, but like, Samar what the fuck are you wearing?” Queen J.J. says looking down at the shorter queen.  Samar Qasi shrugs.

 

_“I thought I looked good.”  Samar blows out a long breath, expression unchanging.  “My eyebrows look better than J.J.’s anyway.”_

 

“Okay, but bitch, where is your dong?”Almavivo asks Viktor Viktoria.

“I tucked it into my asshole,” Viktor responds with a smile.  Several of the queens choke, but Terra and Kate laugh.  “I’m just really good at tucking.”

 

_Almavivo purses her lips at the camera.  “I am going to kill this bitch in her sleep and steal her secrets.”_

 

“Do you think your win was well-deserved?” asks J.J.  “I mean, you didn’t really do anything except tuck.”

Viktor shrugs.  In the background Femme Fatale is giving J.J. a dirty look.  “My sin was sloth, so I was as lazy as I could be while still doing drag.”

“That makes sense to me,” Robotica said.  She was already slipping out of her sheer robe.  “I think I might have approached my look from the wrong angle.”  She chuckles to herself.

 

_“It’s been one week, and J.J. is already grating on my nerves,” Femme says on the B roll.  “He doesn’t think Viktor’s win was deserved?”  Femme apparently becomes speechless because no more words come out of her mouth, despite the fact that it is still moving._

_“J.J.’s got to go,” says Kate._

 

“I’m surprised you didn’t win, Femme!  I was not expecting that look from you!” Viktor says, forcing Femme to take part in the conversation.

“You didn’t?” she squeaks.

“No!  You have amazing taste in lingerie!”

“Stop flattering her, would you?” Kate deadpans.

“Aww, don’t get jealous, Kate!  You’ll always be the sexiest queen this side of twenty!”

Kate dramatically brings her hand to her chest and gapes at Viktor.

“Half the people in here are over twenty,” points out Cara.

“Yeah, aren’t you the oldest?” Almavivo says.  Viktor’s eyebrows practically jump to his hairline at the comment.  “You have a wide forehead, so…”

 

_“Almavivo should be very careful about the things she says to me,” says Viktor.  “She’s one rude comment away from me giving her a reverse Mohawk.”  She purses her lips dramatically._

 

The sound of a kiss and the title card of Ciao Ciao waving a checkered flag interrupts the B roll.  Ciao Ciao’s voice says, “The winner of Ciao Ciao’s Drag Race International will receive a one year supply of make up by Demeter of L.A. and a cash prize of two hundred thousand dollars!”

 

~

 

Once again, all the queens enter the work room, this time out of drag.  Viktor and Kate tango in dramatically, followed by Terra and Femme grinding their asses on one another.  Both couples break off into laughter as the other queens follow.

 

_“It’s another day in the workroom,” says Blasfemia, “And I’m excited to be here still, but terrified of what comes next.  All these queens have so much more experience than me, and I’m, how you say, muy nerviosa.” The last part is obviously Blasfemia trying to make light of her anxiety, as her smile falters as soon as her mouth closes._

 

The queens are speaking softly to one another when the tell-tale siren goes off, announcing Ciao Ciao’s presence.

“ _Ciao Ciao, regazze_!”

“ _Ciao Ciao_!” they all respond back.

“You’ll never guess what this week’s girth challenge is going to be!”  He pauses so the camera can flick between a few of the queens confused faces.  “You all will be blinding us with your best all-highlighter faces!  Give us your best drag using only high light palettes, provided by Demeter of L.A.”

 

_“Oh, I have got this down!” Terra Incognita says on the B roll.  “I have done this challenge about seventeen times on my own just for funsies!”_

_“Everyone knows that just like in sex, girth can sometimes be more important than length.  I’m not going to lose this girth challenge,” Kate states._

 

“Alright girls, you have fifteen minutes, starting…now!  _Andiamo, raggazze_!”

All the queens crowd the table in front of Ciao Ciao to grab a highlight palette, then scurry off to their workstations.  There’s a quick montage of J.J. and Cara doing sloppy contouring to the best of their ability, and Blasfemia looking extremely lost while fitting her wig on.  After a few more moments, Ciao Ciao begins counting down.

“Three…two…one!  Put down your brushes ladies!  Can we get some light in here?”

At his call, the doors to the room burst open and several scantily clad young men roll in large fluorescent lamps.  The lamps resemble stadium lights, and when the muscular young men flick them on, all the queens shield their eyes.

 

_“Are we about to play some football or some shit?” Cara says.  “Because, uh, I don’t play football.”_

 

“Photoshoot!  You all will be taking some shining selfies for us today, with the help of the pit crew.  Hashtag shiny selfies!”

The girls are all laughing, looking at each other’s horrible make up jobs.  Blasfemia looks almost exactly the same as before, only greasy, while J.J. looks like she recently had a bad face tan.

“Alright Viktor Viktoria, since you won last week’s challenge, you have the honors of going first.”  Ciao Ciao motions for Viktor to join the pit crew in the heavily lit photo area, and when she does, the strobing effect is so blinding it’s difficult to actually see her face.  Viktor poses with the boys crowding around her, each with a hand one her.  She makes an over-the-top pouty face in the pictures that pop up on screen.

“Femme Fatale!  You’re up next!”

Femme’s make up is worse than Viktor’s but her look is much more coherent.  Her bright red wig helps distract from how shiny her face is, even if only a little.  The pit crew pick her up for her photo, and she arches an eyebrow.  Her face is just as difficult to see in detail as Viktor’s was.

Robotica, Cara, J.J., and Blasfemia all take similar pictures with the pit crew.  Literally no one looks particularly good.  Until Terra floats into the spot light.  The Ave Maria plays as she settles.  She’s gorgeous, with a glittery halo coming off her head in rays.

“The brown virgin is here to save your souls, you dirty sinners,” she says in a high-pitched voice.  “Who would like to repent?”  Her veil flutters as the pit crew all kneel around her.

The other drag queens are all freaking out around her, laughing or gagging.

 

_“Literally do not listen to a word Terra says, she is the biggest slut I know.  You can tell her I said that too.  Hell, I’ll say it to her right now.”  Femme looks into the camera, smiling.  “Terra, you’re a slut.”_

_“I may not be a virgin, but the look I am serving is immaculate,” Terra defends with her eyes closed.  “Also, Femme is a liar.  My pussy is one hundred percent un-penetrated.”_

_“She’s a fucking liar!” Femme says with more conviction.  Her eyes are wide behind her glasses, but she’s still smiling.  “She does this shit all the time!  She just says shit that isn’t true because she thinks it’s funny when people believe her!  She had a foursome in our dorm when we were in college together!”_

_Terra folds her hands and shakes her head.  “I am the only one you can trust in this competition. The only one.”_

 

The photos from Terra’s shoot are actually somewhat presentable, despite the ridiculous ambiguity of her sexual experience and the sacrilegious nature of her outfit.  Her falsies make her large eyes look even rounder and more innocent, and her contour compliments her face shape, even if it is completely glittery.

Almavivo, Kate, and Samar have somewhat lackluster shoots, despite the luster of their makeup, although Samar bedazzled her eyebrows, which was a nice, if unnecessary touch.

“Fantastic ladies, show stopping!” compliments Ciao Ciao.  “You can see all the photos from tonight’s shoot at golo dot com slash shiny selfies.  Now let’s see.  Decisions, decisions.”  Ciao Ciao taps a finger against his cheek.  “What am I saying?  Terra is obviously the winner!”

Terra screams and flips her veil off her arms.  She runs up to Ciao Ciao’s side and presses a hand to her chest.  “I’d like to thank the academy, and my middle school algebra teacher, and of course not only God, but also my son, Asian Jesus.”

Blasfemia, Femme, and Kate are losing their minds laughing, and Samar is clapping politely, but J.J. and Almavivo don’t look particularly pleased.

_Out of drag, Almavivo tells the camera, “I love Asian Jesus as much as the next person, but I’m not here to preach religion.  I want to win.”_

_“I kind of expected this win,” Terra says.  “I’m really good at makeup and modeling.  I’m glad it’s such a big part of drag.”_

 

“Terra, since you are the winner of this girth challenge, that means you are in charge of roll assignments for the length challenge.  You all will be acting in the play, Gays!!! On Ice!”

The queens oh and ah, but J.J. narrows her eyes.

“I’m not gay,” she interjects.

Without missing a beat, Terra just says, “We know, sweetheart.  Just let us have this.”

J.J.’s jaw drops, and he balks.  Terra for her part, ignores her reaction to take the script from Ciao Ciao.

 

_“These girls are about to get their asses handed to them,” Femme says rubbing a hand over her face.  “Terra was a director in the theater department in college.  She knows what she’s doing, but if someone doesn’t know their lines…”_

_“I’m really excited for this challenge!” Terra says.  “I just hope I don’t come off as too controlling.  I just know what needs to get done.”_

_“Terra’s kind of a bitch,” J.J. says plainly._

_Samar shows up next in the B roll, saying nothing, but letting out a long sigh, eyes half-lidded._

 

~

 

Back in the workroom, all the queens are sitting in a circle flipping through their scripts.  Some of them are smiling and quietly laughing at their papers, while a few others are looking perplexed or frustrated.  Terra claps her hands.

“Has everyone finished their first read through?”

“Ah…no?” Viktor says bashfully.

“How far are you?”

“Half way?  I’m a slow reader in English.”

Terra seems surprised.  “Well, stop for now.  I want to know who has the most theater experience out of us.  If you’ve performed in front of a crowd could you raise your hand?”

All the queens raise their hands.  Terra rolls her eyes.  “In an actual stage production.  Not just a improv drag show.”

Half the hands go down.  Blasfemia, Viktor, Kate, Femme, and Cara remain with their arms raised.

“Alright, well, I’m going to assign the biggest parts to us all then, if that’s okay.”

The camera zooms in on J.J. who is rolling his eyes so hard they might as well fall out of his head.

“That sounds fair,” Almavivo says with a sigh.  Robotica nods her agreement.

“I guess that’s fine,” says J.J.

“Is there a problem J.J.?” Terra asks.

“No.  It’s fine.”

“Okay, because if there’s a problem with how I’ve set things up, just tell me.  We can come to a compromise.”

“No, no.” J.J. lies, “It’s fine.”

“O-kay.  Well, let’s divide rolls.  Femme, you and Kate will be the twins.  Viktor, I’m giving you the lead, if that’s all right.”

“We look noting alike!” Kate exclaims.  “How are we supposed to be twins when I’m white and she’s Japanese?”

Terra shrugs.  “Fraternal twins?”

Kate and Femme snort, but make no more complaints.

“Uh, are you sure you want to give the lead to Viktor?  She hasn’t even finished reading the script yet,” Almavivo interrupts.  Viktor clenches her jaw, but says nothing.

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.  Unless she’d rather not take the lead?” Terra asks.

 

_“I don’t like reading,” Viktor admits on the B roll.  “It’s painfully slow for me.  Plus, I think Terra would be a much more engaging lead.  But She gave it to me, and I don’t want to make anyone upset, so…”_

 

“No, I’ll take it!”

“Okay, perfect!  Then, I’ll be the supporting main.  Cara, how do you feel about being Teresa?”

“The frazzled PA?  Sounds good to me.”

“Perfect.  Then Blasfemia, you’ll be the bitch, Samantha.”

“Alright.”  Blasfemia, Cara, and Kate all peel away from the group, supposedly to study their scripts.  Femme looks like she’s about to do the same as Terra begins assigning smaller rolls to the remaining girls, but Viktor catches her before she can make it to her work station.

“W-Would you mind running through lines with Kate and me at some point?”

Femme looks like she might pee herself in fear or surprise.  She looks around like Viktor could be talking to someone else.  “M-Me?”

Viktor laughs.  “Yes!”

“Uh, yeah, I guess?  If you need me to.”

“Great!”

 

_Out of drag, Femme admits, “I have no idea how to act around Viktor.  She’s still so…unreachable?  She’s just so perfect and pretty, even without her wigs and makeup.  Like, I thought maybe she wore contacts to make her eyes that blue but, wow, is that natural.”  She pauses, lost in thought.  “I could drown in those eyes,” she says quietly, as if in a trance._

_“I almost feel bad for the two of them.  Viktor is an idiot, and Femme is the most oblivious person I’ve ever met,” Kate says, adjusting her round-framed glasses.  “Viktor hasn’t shut up about her since she saw Femme live.” She shakes her head._

 

The camera switches to focus on Terra and J.J. who are having a talk away from the others.

“I just don’t think that giving Viktor the lead is a great plan,” J.J. says.

“Well, she has acting experience, so I don’t really see the problem.  I mean, did you want the lead?”

“Not really, but I’m not super excited to be playing someone who has seven lines of dialogue at the very end of the skit, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Terra nods stiffly.  “Well, I asked if you had any issues, but you said it was fine.”

“Well, I didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

 

_Terra gives the camera big fake smile, complete with wide, furious eyes and a quiet hum._

 

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Viktor doesn’t seem very book smart,” J.J. points out.  “Having him memorize that much might be difficult for him.”

“She’ll be fine.  If not, she can come talk to me and we’ll make it work.”

“Your funeral,” dismisses J.J.

Terra can’t do much except blink in surprise and frustration as J.J. walks away.

 

* * *

 

“Oh no,” Phichit whined.  “I forgot about this challenge.”

“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked.

“I was really pushy that week, because no one could get their shit together.”

“I didn’t think you were pushy,” Yuuri said with a shrug.  “You were trying to make sure the performance went as smoothly as possible.  Not your fault the others didn’t have much performance experience.”

“Yeah, but I can guarantee that the producers had it cut to create maximum drama, you know?”

Yuuri hummed for a second, contemplating.  “Well, if you look like an ass, I’ll be right there with you.  I’m pretty sure I stood by every single one of your decisions pretty vocally.”

“Comforting,” Phichit grouched in response.

Viktor dropped his head onto Yuuri’s shoulder as another infomercial played on across the television screen.  “You’re sounding too much like Yuuri.  We already know what the judges had to say about the performance, so I think you’ll be fine.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Yuuri says, obviously offended.

Phichit spoke over him, saying, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.  No need getting upset about it now.”

 

* * *

 

**gayandsaddad**

Omg the terra-jj drama is so real lmoa

              **Rashel Michel**

               Here I thought theyd all stick to ganging up on cara!

**asstoassandinbetween**

Ok how did Trra pull off that highlight look?? How can I achieve that level of #glory???

              **321Beyonce**

              There are youtube tutorials you can watch I think

                            **asstoassandinbetween**

                            They’re usually just makeup challenges and they almost always look terrible

              **Rashel Michel**

              Literally she is a GODDESS that look was EVERYTHING TO ME

**девочка-кошка**

I gotta draw tTerra’s look omg #shiningselfies

**cactusinmassctus**

Is no one going to address how Viktor is totally into Femme?  I really hope they actually get to be friends!!  Or more!!! #ViktorFatale

              **gayandsaddad**

              They’re so sweet I love them??

              **cactusinmassctus**

              Lmao and did you see how jealous Kate got?

                            **gayandsaddad**

                            Right? I love Kate, but Viktor and Fatale would make such a cute couple~!

                            +view more comments

**Minakoismymom**

OMFG I love Terra’s bowl cut when she’s out of drag!!

              **asstoassandinbetween**

              It’s so funny she’s so cute even with such a nerdy hair cut <3

**Robbie Andrews**

I am lIVING FOR THAT LOOK #shiningselfies

**Carolinne**

Terra’s highlight look was kind of tastelss imo,,,like that’s someone’s religion you know?

              **dragmetociaociaos**

              Ok well when white people stop appropriating other cultures’ religions maybe we can have this discussion???? ¯|_(ツ)_/¯

                            **Carolinne**

                             Lmao whatever I’m not argueing about this

              **BisforBitch**

               Terra could be chritstian you know

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**dragmetociaociaos**

Viktor is so cute?? She comes off as this goddess on stage, but out of drag she’s an adorable little goofball

              **asstoassandinbetween**

               Right?  I was so afraid she was going to be a bitch, but she’s just trying to have a good time

**Fanfaire_75**

J.J. is being such a bitch omg

**RevUpThoseFriers**

Terra probably should have let the others have some kind of say in there parts.  Could have saved herself the drama with J.J.

              **Fanfaire_75**

              She literally asked if J.J. was okay with her choices and she agreed.  This is J.j.s problem, not Terra’s.

                            **RevUpThoseFriers**

                             I mean, I get that, but J.J. has a point.  Viktor doesn’t seem super confident about her roll.

                                          **Fanfaire_75**

                                          That’s not the issue though.  Terra asked a question, J.J. lied, and now she’s mad she didn’t get the part she wanted.

                                           J.J. literally did this to herself

                                          +view more comments

**BisforBitch**

Im so fuckin excited to see what Gays on ice is about lol are they gonna be ice skating bc that would be WILD

              **Minakoismymom**

               All I can see is Cara stumbling her way around the ice omg that would be so funny!

              **Sharp_pointy_gay**

               Hasn’t Viktor mentioned that one of her hobbies is ice skating? I’m sure she’ll do amazing as the lead!! Lol

                            **BisforBitch**

                            Has she? That would be so cool she definitely has the grace for it

                                          **dragmetociaociaos**

                                          Yeah, check out these links [link] [link] [link]

                                          +view more comments

 

* * *

 

 

_“Well, it’s the day before performance day, and we are doing our only run through,” Terra says.  She crosses her fingers and gives a very unconfident smile._

 

The queens enter a large room, with one side covered in a green screen.  There is tape on the floor in the same shape as the runway.  Across from the entrance, Minako and another woman sit, grinning.

“Hello everyone!” Minako says.  She stands and the queens begin to gather around her.  “This is your director, Mila Babicheva.  She and I are going to be helping you with run through today, to make sure everything goes smoothly tomorrow.”

“Oh, so we’re not using the green screen to edit out my bulge?” Kate jokes.  Minako and Mila laugh.

“No, unfortunately, we won’t be using the green screen for this challenge.  This is just a practice for you all.”  Mila has a thick Russian accent, just like Yakov and Cara.

 

_Almavivo’s tongue pushes one of her cheeks out, then she pulls her lips into her mouth.  “Just how many fuckin’ Russians are on this show?”_

 

“Alright everyone, get into places!” Mila says with a clap.  “Try and run this through without mistakes, okay?  Make it easy for Minako and me!”

The queens scramble around so that Viktor is the only one in front of the green screen.  At first, things seem to be going well.  Viktor recites his lines with appropriate woe and movement.

“I’m just a dime a dozen drag skater, in the big drag world!”

The camera zooms in on Kate, who has to hide her face she’s laughing so hard.  Terra slides onto stage with arm outstretched.

“From now on I’ll be your drag coach!  I’ll definitely make you win the Grand Prix!”

“ _Make_ me win?  Isn’t that a little forceful?”

“Join me in bed and I’ll show you forceful!” Terra teases.

Everything proceeds easily for the most part.  Eventually Yuuri and Chris enter, say their lines, and exit.  And that’s when things start going to shit.

“Uh,” Viktor stutters, “Uh, line?”

Mila blinks for a second, clearly frustrated, but she obliges.  “I’ll be super tasty so just watch.”

“Ah, right!  I’ll be super tasty so just watch!”

Viktor misses her next line too.

And her next one.

She picks up after that, obviously wracking her brain for the words, but she manages to get them out.

“Just…believe in me more than I believe in…me?”

“Myself,” Minako corrects.

The focus of the shot changes to show J.J. standing in the background.  She does not seem impressed.

 

_“You know, I told Terra this would happen, but she knew better.”  J.J. rolls her eyes, but puts on a winning smile.  “Whatever, you know?  If Viktor Viktoria, drag queen extraordinaire, gets kicked out in week two, I won’t complain.”_

_Viktor huffs out a long confused breath.  “I ran my lines so many times.  I feel terrible.”  She rubs a hand over her face.  “I mean it’ll be fine.  I’ll wow them on the runway tomorrow, but this is frustrating for me.”  Regardless of her words, she still has a cordial smile plastered on her face._

 

“Alright, alright, stop!” Mila says.  “Viktor what’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” he says, winning smile all in place.

“Why don’t you know your lines?”

“I do, but—”

“No buts.  You either know them or you don’t.”

Viktor looks slightly taken back by that.  “I’m sorry.  I know them.  I’ll try harder!”

“Alright.

 

_“Viktor knows her lines,” Femme says suspiciously on the B roll.  “Kate, Terra, and I ran them with her yesterday and she was off-book.  I don’t know what’s gotten into he—” a look passes over her face.  “Actually, I know exactly what’s gotten into her.”_

 

J.J. and Cara enter the stage with a flourish.  Cara is dumping pills into both their hands from a prop prescription bottle.

“Doping was the best decision I ever made,” J.J. says.  She’s uncomfortable to watch, but Cara manages to divert attention to herself.

“Bitch, this isn’t dope, it’s Adderall!  I have seven different competitions to oversee today, and you ice skaters are the literal worst!”

Mila and Minako chuckle, then the camera flashes back to Cara dumping the rest of the fake pills into her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

“I hate my job!” she wails.  J.J. flinches, a bewildered look on her face.

At the point Minako and Mila are howling with laughter.

“Well,” J.J. says in a strained voice, “What the hell am _I_ supposed to do?”

“Not my problem, honey,” Cara replies, taking a short break from her tears.  She immediately goes back to screeching like a tortured soul as she leaves the stage.

 

_“I can cry on demand,” Cara tell the camera.  “And I’ve been a part of several stage shows in Vegas.”  She inspects her nails.  “I’m sort of a drama queen anyway, so Terra picked the perfect role for me.”_

 

Almavivo enters, gives Cara an up-down and rolls her eyes.  “Hey, pussy lips.”

Cara takes another break from crying to look at her.

“The hell’s the bathroom in this place, I got a’ itch on my dick.”

Cara looks bewildered for a moment.  “Around the corner to the left?”

“You wanna join?”

Minako and Mila are howling, mainly because Almavivo is deadpanning all her lines.

 

_“I’m not a good actor.  I know this.” she says out of drag.  “So I’m not going to bother trying.”_

 

“You’re asking me to join you to scratch your dick?  Wait, aren’t you one of the women’s skaters?”

Almavivo waggles her eyebrows, which is even funnier combined with the dissatisfaction on her face.  Minako has fallen out of her chair.  There are a few more clips of the other queens, but they are much shorter.  Eventually, the camera focuses on Minako and Mila.

 

“Alright guys, that’s a wrap for today!  Some really good work,” Mila says with a clap.  The queens gather around her again.

“Cara, Almavivo, you two were hilarious together.  You’ve got great chemistry.  Great job making both of your minor roles stand out,” Minako says with an easy grin.

Both of the queens nod, and Cara grins back.

“Viktor, you’re the lead.  You need to make sure you have your lines down pat by tomorrow,” continues Minako.  “You should be mouthing the words in your sleep, understood?”

Viktor gives her a big smile and nods.

“Blasfemia, make sure you don’t get stuck in the background.  Your character isn’t huge, but it could be a lot funnier if you add a little more to it.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“God, don’t call me Ma’am,” groans Minako.  Makes me feel like an old maid.”

“Aren’t you though?” Blasfemia throws right back.

Minako and Mila both slap their legs as they laugh, and a few of the other drag queens chuckle.

“Alright girls.  Let’s do good work tomorrow!”

The eye-catch plays, Ciao Ciao all in her official drag race get up, hair teased almost two feet off her head, posing with the flags.

~

 

“I’ve been meaning to ask, Viktor, what exactly happene—” Phichit closes his mouth with a slight click of teeth when he turns to look at his friends.  Viktor is draped over Yuuri, which wouldn’t be so unusual if his face wasn’t hidden in Yuuri’s neck.  Yuuri’s expression was not one of anxiety or mirth, but rather one of sadness.

“Y-You guys okay?”

“Yeah.” The reply was short, but not intentionally rude.  Yuuri had a lot of things flashing behind his glasses.  “Just.  Just give him a minute.”

“Okay.”  Phichit turned away to watch commercials and give his friends their privacy.

 

* * *

 

**FemeFatalGuril99**

God, talk about harsh!!  Minako is really getting into it lmao

              **chilinforov**

              Right?? I was saying the exact same thing last week!  They are nOT pulling punches this season.

**gayandsaddad**

Omg I’m so tired of Minako I low key hate her

              **FemeFatalGuril99**

              How can you hate Minako?!?!  She’s one of the NICE judges!

                            **gayandsaddad**

                             Uhhh,,, she called someone horse-faced last season??? How is that nice??

                                          **FemeFatalGuril99**

                                          I mean compared to Lilia “I don’t like the color of your belt, you’re going home” Baranovskaya she’s nice

                                                        **gayandsaddad**

                                                          Yea but still, she can be just as mean.  Remember when she called Scarlet Monroe a three-dollar whore a

                                                           few season ago

                                                                      **FemeFatalGuril99**

                                                                      TO BE FAIR, Scarlett did look like a $3 whore ha

                                                                      +view more comments

**Mary** **さん**

IM SCREAMING ABOUT CARA SHES SO FUCKING FUNYY

              **CaioCaio**

               I’m LOSTING it over that little scene with the pills wtf!!!

              **bdppinetree**

               Tbh using meds isn’t something to be joked about,,

                            **Mary** **さん**

                            Im not gonna sit around and explain why the joke isn’t problematique ™ lmano, but have fun getting offended by everything

                            +view more comments

**Eliza Bennet Stan**

This is my first season of this show and I’m not really sure I get the appeal.  Why does everyone get so worked up about a bunch of gay dudes trying to look like women?

              **CaioCaio**

               Lmoa

              **Fiftyfour54**

               Lmao

              **Padmeharderdaddy**

              Your heterosexuality is showing lmao

**Nymphyte_Love**

Almavivo is such a bitch she’s my favorite  She was Killing it in that play

**ใช้งานร่วมกัน**

Love from Thailand!! GO TERRA INCOGNITA!!

**Rageandfear_55**

JJ is such a funking idiot lmaoooo she cant act but shes sitting around criticizing Viktor like??? Get out of my house.

              **Thequeenishere**

              J.J.’s just telling it how it is.  Like did you not see Viktor’s melt down?

                            **Rageandfear_55**

                            Oh sweet heart, that was not a melt down.  You must be new to this whole drag race thing.  Go watch season six and THEN

                             come talk to me about a meltdown.

                                          **Thequeenishere**

                                           I ain’t your sweetheart bitch, and I ve been watching Ciao Ciao’s since it started airing, so don’t @ me lololo

                                            ANYWAY

                                          +view more comments

              **casanddeanintheimpala**

              J.J.’s the idiot, but you’re the one spelling “fucking” as “funking”

                            **Rageandfear_55**

                            Pmg im not even answering this lmao

**itsbiskybitch**

I mean, I don’t think Viktor should have gotten the lead, but I don’t think Jj’s the right choice either…

**fewwefatale**

Omg I love Cara

**Julia_Andrews_and_Viktor**

OH NO WHATS WRONG W VIKTOR IS SHE OKAY???

              **Sapphire_dragon666**

              Ahhhh I don’t know??? I hope she’s okay???

              **1975**

               Maybe Femme will swoop in and save her?  Femme seems to know whats going on…I just hope we actally get to know??

                            **bpdpinetree**

                             OMG guys chill out, we don’t need to know everything about them?? If some thing was wrong, Viktor would have pulled out of

                              the competition

                                          **CaioCaio**

                                          Haha pulled out

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* * *

 

  
Ciao Ciao flies back in with the title card with a laugh.  Computer generated images of stage lights and sound systems flash, ending with Ciao Ciao strutting onto the T-shaped run way.

“Welcome to the Ciao Ciao Drag Runway.  This week we asked our lovely queens to show off their best ice gala glam, fit for the world premiere of their newest drama, Gays!!! On Ice!  All runway looks tonight will feature ice skating-inspired boots from Westin House Boots.” Ciao Ciao flips her hair, less teased than usual this week, as it drapes over the thick straps of her ice blue dress.  “And of course, our lovely judges; Lilia is it just me or is it cold in here?”

The camera cuts to Lilia, looking as bored as usual.  “As cold as my heart, Darling.”

Ciao Ciao laughs.  “Famed superstar designer, Yakov Feltsman!  How’s the weather treating you?”  
“My _everything_ is shriveling up.”  Yakov doesn’t seem to be very happy about it either.

“Oh Minako, dear, don’t leave me blue-balled,” Ciao Ciao jokes.

“Wouldn’t dream of it!”

“And our favorite guest judge and director, Ms. Mila Babicheva!”

“Hi, Ciao Ciao!  How do you like my shirt?”  She stands to show off Ciao Ciao’s profile on her shirt.

“It’s me!”

Mila winks with a playful, open-mouthed smile, then sits back down.

“Without further ado, our queens!  Skating for the gold!”

The lights dim and pumping music begins to play.  Terra Incognita is up first.  She floats onto the runway in a tiny white and blue number that flutters off her shoulders.  She’s used white mascara, giving the effect of snowflakes caught in her lashes, and she takes every opportunity to bat them at the judges.  Terra’s voice says, “I am giving you the most classic ice dance vibes I can.  What says winter like white and blue?”  She twirls at the end of the runway, and the flurry of the light skirt fabric show off her tight white bloomers.  “I’m feeling so pretty right now, I might even show up Mila.”

“Twisty, turny,” Minako comments as Terra strikes a pose, one arm up.

“That gold brooch is probably worth more than m apartment,” Mila gags.

Lilia sighs, but says, “And the little ice princess skates away…”

 

Femme Fatale is next.

“What an unusual choice,” Ciao Ciao says quietly.

“I’m sort of kind of doing boy-drag?” Femme dubs over her runway walk.  “I am serving a kind of Viktor Viktoria feel, especially since she saw this outfit and pretty much picked it out for me.”  She sounds breathy, almost bashful as she says it.  Her outfit has the appearance of a suit, with a navy blazer and black pants, but the bejeweled corset is what really stands out, glittering in the stage lights.

“I’m feeling a little stoned,” Mila laughs.

“I think those stones are stoned,” Lilia responds.

Femme throws a playful wink over her shoulder as she exits the stage.

 

J.J. follows, wearing a simple but flowing green number.  There are crisscrossing straps on the upper chest, and a long mullet skirt that flaps out behind her.  “If I were an ice skater, I’d want my performance to focus more on me than my costume, so I went with elegant but simple this week.”

“Stoned, and green,” Yakov sounds slightly amused.

“Will you all stop with the weed jokes?  This is family entertainment!” Ciao Ciao reprimands.  “Besides, in complexity, I wouldn’t even give that gown a four point two zero.”

“Shut UP!” Mila shrieks.  J.J. spins and flicks her organza skirt out for an accent, then struts off the stage.

 

Blasfemia steps out next, and the judges immediately gasp.  “I am in an eye catching yellow gown tonight.  I added all kinds of jewels to it to give it some sparkle, and I added an orange belt for accent,” says Blasfemia.

“There is a lot to talk about in that look,” Lilia says softly, like she’s scandalized.

“You want some chicken nuggets with that mustard?” Mila snorts.

Yakov just lets out a long exhale.

Blasfemia’s outfit is a strange combination of a skirt and suit jacket in a bright yellow.  The stones are all white, of varying size along the lapels of the jacket and trim of the skirt, but the over-sized orange belt draws most of the attention to Blasfemia’s waist, which does not appear to be cinched correctly.  She grins, confident in her look, before she turns on her heel and heads to the exit.

 

The judges gasp again as Viktor Viktoria enters in a stunning white leotard, with a dark pink military themed jacket hanging off her shoulders.  The fabrics have a subtle shine to them that catches in the light with every shift of her limbs.  “I ice skate pretty frequently, so I have a lot of skating-inspired outfits to choose from.  This is one of my favorites.  It just screams ‘abandoned lover waits patiently for the return of her man.’  Which I am also screaming.”

“Dear John,” Ciao Ciao weeps, “I’m too beautiful for you.  It’s over.”

Mila muffles her voice, probably with her hand, “Is she always this stunning?”

Viktor raises her arms, which each have several red and gold bracelets on them, and leans into Ina Bauer position.

Viktor practically glides off the stage, despite the fact that she is wearing normal boots.

 

Almavivo strode onto the stage in the same heeled boots as everyone else, but she had changed out the black laces for silver ones.  The boots are also covered in swirls of rainbow glitter to compliment the colors of her tight fitted rainbow leotard.  There was a short half skirt on the butt.  Almavivo took the corners of it and spread the skirt behind her, showing the silver sequins on the underlayer.  “I’m trying to make everyone understand that I am, and I cannot stress this enough, gay,” is all her voiceover says.

“I think there’s a friend of Dorothy here!” Ciao Ciao says.

“I’d like to be somewhere _under_ that rainbow, if you know what I mean!” Mila laughs.

Lilia hums, then says, “This must make me the Wicked Witch.”  Ciao Ciao, Mila, and Minako all laugh, but Yakov coughs.

 

Cara steps out next.

“I take it back,” says Lilia with a note of surprise in her voice.  “ _This_ must be the Wicked Witch.”

“I am serving the most gothic, glittery, show stopping gown I am able,” Cara says.  “And I am feeling amazing.  How could the judges not love this look?”  Her outfit is a deep purple with a chiffon wrap skirt in black.  A light blue belt stands out as an accent piece.  There is an appropriate amount of stoning, and her walk is confident.  In fact, the look might have been impressive if her makeup were not so distracting.  Her face was almost white, and what appeared to be an attempt at smoky eye looked more like bags.  Her eyebrows were blocky and close together.

“Anyone got a stake?” Yakov grunts.

“I like mine well done,” teases Ciao Ciao.

 

Once Cara has spun around and exited the stage, it’s Robotica’s turn.  Her skirt is made completely of black sequined fabric, and the top looks like a simple white business shirt, aside from the gold satin bow where a tie would sit at the base of her throat.  The outfit is clean and compliments her shape well, but in comparison to the other queens’ outfits, it could be called plain.  “Simple worked last week, and I don’t want to lose myself in the details, so I chose this outfit.  I think it’s a very pretty color combination, even if I’m not quite as sparkly as the other girls.”

Ciao Ciao says, “Lilia did you get those accounts settled like I asked?”

To which Lilia responds, “Yes, I finished looking through our glitter and botox budgets are too low.  We’re going to need more cash.”

Mila and Minako are laughing, but Yakov says nothing.

Robotica swings a leg around in an imitation of an arabesque, then poses with both hands on her hips.  She wraps her ponytail around her finger and winks before disappearing offstage.

 

Kate’s outfit was sparkly enough to throw off the camera’s lighting balance for a fraction of a second.  Once the focus came back, the camera panned up her body to show all the glittery details.  The skirt is short black mesh, trimmed and dotted with red sequins, just as the bodice is.  There are epaulets and a tie, and the whole thing is very reminiscent of a toreador’s traje de luces.  She has a puff of feathers pinned into her blonde up do.  “I am blinding tonight, but let me tell you,” Kate sighs, “This thing is so itchy, I can practically feel the sequins in my asshole.”  She poses several times, miming as though she is waving a bull through a red cloth.

“Picante!” exclaims Mila.  “Those lines are killing me!”

“I think I’ve gone blind,” says Lilia.

“Oh, please, you were married to Yakov!” laughs Ciao Ciao.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” the man in question asks.

“She must have already _been_ blind!”

Kate struts of the runway with hips swinging.

 

Samar is last, but her entrance is not without notice.  Her outfit is white and blue with fleur de lis and gold embroidery.  A large pearl clasps what appears to be a cravat around her neck.  Her tan tights have jewels running down the outer thigh. And her hair is wig lose, unlike most of the other queens’.  The black hair frames her contour, and her eyebrows are dark, slightly arched.  “I hope I didn’t misunderstand the challenge this week.  I spent a lot of time embroidering this, so it’d be a waste if this isn’t the right challenge to wear it to.”

“I don’t even have a joke to crack about this look,” Lilia says, slightly impressed.  “That is simply couture.”

 “Such a strong presence,” Minako says back, “Almost as strong as her eyebrows!  Holt shit!”

“I’m stealing those tights,” grumbles Yakov.

“For you?!” Ciao Ciao gasps.

“No.  For my fall collection.”

“Oh, thank God.”

Samar flicks her hair out of her face as she exits.

 

The lighting changes from a bright white to a cooler blue.  Viktor returns to the stage to begin the performance.  “I’m just a dime a dozen drag skater, in the big drag world!”

They make it through the first scene perfectly, aside from Terra missing a single blocking cue, which she recovers easily.  The judges are laughing pretty consistently, and Viktor says all his lines without hesitation.  Soon it was time for Blasfemia to enter stage left.

“I’m here for my gay ass coach.  Where is she?”

“Wh-wh-what?” Viktor says, absolutely over the top.

“Name’s Samatha,” Blasfemia says.  “You stole my coach.  Now where is she?”

“She’s my coach!”

“I’ll skate you for her!  At the next Drag Grand Prix!”

They go through their lines without issue, bleeding seamlessly into Femme and Kate entrance.

“A competition?!” they said in unison.  They looked at each other and continued, “You know what that means!”

The lighting changes, and many other “skaters” enter the stage, each making some pun on their name as they’re introduced.  Kate and Femme stayed on stage causing their controlled mischief, which included gumming up Robotica’s “skates,” pulling chairs out from underneath J.J. and Samar, and pantsing Almavivo during her “Free Skate.”  The skates were all just the queens dancing or rolling around in a ridiculous fashion, trying to make the judges laugh.  Each was a little less than fifteen seconds long, and all of them were terrible.

Eventually, Viktor comes out of the competition on the top of the podium.  She looks out with a lost look on her face, then says, “I won!  I won!  But…But it’s not the same if I have to lie about who I am!  I’m gay!” She grabs Terra by the waist, “And I’m in love with my coach!”

All the other queens watch in shock as Viktor dips Terra and lays a sloppy kiss on her.

 

_“Well,” Almavivo says on the B roll.  “That wasn’t part of the script.”_

_“Terra and I made a last minute decision in an attempt to surprise the judges.  I think it worked!” Viktor grins._

 

The judges are losing their minds.  The stage disappears as the lights black out.  When they come back up, all the queens are in a line, holding hands.  They raise their arms up and bow.  The judges stand at their table and applaud.  Mila pretends to wipe a tear from her face.

“Wonderful, girls, _magnifico_!” Ciao Ciao praises.  “But even after such a fantastic performance, I’m afraid someone must go home.”  The camera pans over all the queens, whose faces had all dropped from gleeful and proud to suspicious and nervous.

Ciao Ciao clears her throat, then says, “Girls, this week we asked you to give us your best ice gala glam, using Boots supplied by Westin House.  Two of your looks took us to a winter wonderland, but two of you did not.  “Femme Fatale, Samar Qasi, Robotica, Toxic Kate, Terra Incognita, Cara B. Ross, you may leave the stage.  You are all safe.”

The queens all let out a collective sigh as they step to the back.  There is a tense moment as Ciao Ciao stares down the remaining four girls at the front of the stage.

Almavivo, Blasfemia, Viktor Viktoria, Queen J.J. let’s hear what the judges have to say about your looks.

 

“God, I love the boots,” Mila says to Almavivo.  “No one else thought to embellish those, and it really made you stand out from the rest of the contestants.”

“I need to know what made you choose rainbow for this challenge,” says Lilia.  “It’s a non-traditional choice.”

“I hate women,” is all Almavivo says in explanation.  The camera cuts to several queens cringing, or covering their mouths.

“I’m sorry?”

“I hate women.”

“Ah,” Lilia says curtly.

“Viktor,” Yakov interrupts in an effort to salvage the critiques, “The contrast of both the feminine and male, as well as the contrast between the white and pink of your outfit caught my eye.  Your penchant for everything runway related will get you far in this competition.”

“That being said, I heard you had some problems yesterday, Viktor?” Ciao Ciao asks.

“Ah, yes.  I forgot a lot of my lines.”

Minako jumped in, “I chewed her out a bit yesterday, and I’m glad what I said worked.  You did amazing as the lead, even if you could have gone bigger.”

“I never would have guessed you’d had as much trouble as you did if I hadn’t been there myself,” added Mila.  “But I agree with Minako.  You didn’t go as big as you could have.”

 

“Blasfemia, I told you yesterday that you needed to go bigger on your roll.  I didn’t see that at all today,” says Minako.  “It looked exactly the same.  And sweetheart, what were you thinking with this runway look?”

“I, uh, I like yellow?”

“Yellow is a hideous color on a good day,” says Lilia.  “But today was a bad day for you, and those jewels look atrocious.”

“This outfit says, ‘tacky’ to me,” agrees Yakov.  “That blazer does not cut well on you, and the color clashes with your skin tone.  I would suggest using a softer yellow in the future.”

Blasfemia nods.

“Queen J.J.” says Mila, “I hope I’m not the first one to say this, but you are an awful actress.”

J.J. actually looks surprised.

“Your look tonight was well done, but too simple for a runway like this.  You could wear this dress to a formal,” Yakov says in his usual plodding pace.  “I’m not sure I can say I see how this is any different from any other runway look.”

“I adore the straps,” Minako grins.  “But I have to agree with my fellow judges.  You had a small part in the play that you made big, only because it was so awful,” she laughs.  “And the dress is just too simple.”

 

_I’m a little pissed that my look is too simple, but Robotica’s was just fine,” J.J. says on the B roll.  “I feel like I’m being really targeted.”_

 

“The jury and I need to discuss the verdict.  Be gone for the moment,” Ciao Ciao says with a flick of her wrist.

Once they are all gone, Lilia jumps right in.  “What in God’s name is Almavivo’s problem?  ‘I hate women,’” she imitates.  “What ridiculousness!”

“I’m not too sure what to make of that either,” agrees Mila, “but her look tonight.  Oh my God.  The attention to detail on those boots!”

“And she was fantastic in the play.  I think Terra should have cast _her_ as Samantha.  She would have been perfect!”  Minako leans back in her seat, satisfied with her answer.

“Speaking of Samantha’s part…” Yakov sighs.

“Oh, poor Blasfemia. I’m not sure what happened with her, but she just faded into the background,” Mila agrees.

“I told her yesterday to step it up.”

“But is fading into the background worse than not knowing your lines?” asks Ciao Ciao.

“The thing is, Viktor listened to our comments and improved, but Blasfemia did not,” points out Minako.  “I feel like there’s an experience-slash-age thing at play here.  Blasfemia is still very young, and probably doesn’t understand how to apply criticism yet.  Viktor has the advantage in that regard.”

“And Viktor’s runway was more than enough to make up for a slip up like that,” says Lilia.  “She was beautiful tonight.  Compared to that hideous number Blasfemia was in…” she pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Now, as for J.J.” Ciao Ciao says to move the discussion along.

“I’m not sure we can rag on J.J. too much for his simple runway when Robotica’s was also a little lack luster,” says Mila.

“I disagree,” Yakov interrupts, “Robotica’s look was just enough to look like a skating outfit, whereas J.J.’s looked like something you could buy as Charlotte Ruse.”  He grimaces.

“Hoo, harsh,” Minako says with wide eyes.

“Order, order!   _Reggazze!  Ritorna da me!_ ” Ciao Ciao says as she bangs her gavel.

 

Once all the queens have settled back into their places, Ciao Ciao says, “Congratulations Almavivo.  You have won this week’s challenge, and with it, your choice of wig from Epic Drag Wigs!  _Complimenti_!”

“ _Gamsahamnida_ ,” Almavivo says without any kind of joy on her face.  She turns on her heel and joins the rest of the queens in the back.

“Viktor Viktoria, you are safe,” says Ciao Ciao.  Viktor nods and quickly makes herself scarce. “Blasfemia, Queen J.J.  I’m sorry, but you are both up for elimination.”  Both drop their heads forward.

 

_“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!” is all Blasfemia can say out of drag._

_J.J. on the other hand flicks his dark hair out of his face and grins.  “I’m not too afraid of taking on Blasfemia.  She hasn’t been a queen nearly as long as I have.”_

 

The lights dim as Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle” begins playing.  J.J. makes quick work of stuffing the end of her skirt into her leotard for freedom of movement.  They both begin to throw themselves into the lip sync.  Blasfemia obviously has a better understanding of rhythm and beat, but J.J. begins pulling out tricks.  She launches herself from the stage and lands on the floor in a split, then runs her hands down her chest as Aguilera sings the lyric, “ _Gotta rub me the right way…_ ”

Eventually, the music fades out and Blasfemia and J.J. slow to a stop.  There is a tense silence as Ciao Ciao looks the girls up and down.

“J.J., _Bellisima_!  You are safe.”

J.J. punches the air, but reins her excitement in right after.

“Blasfemia.”  The queen in question looks just about in tears.  “I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m giving you the _stivale_.”  Ciao Ciao produces another white skating-inspired boot from under the table and leans over to hand it to Blasfemia.  “Perhaps in another life.”

“Thank you for this opportunity,” Blasfemia says once the boot is in her hands.  She walks to the back of the stage, gives a very sad smile, then disappears offstage. 

 

“I wasn’t expecting to go home so soon,” her voice says, as she writes a message on a workroom mirror in lipstick.  “I feel like I have so much more to give.  I have vision, you know?  But I’m young.  I have a lot of my life ahead of me, and I’m not going to let this disappointment keep me down.”  The camera changes to show Blasfemia holding a Ciao Ciao trophy.  “I was only here for a short time, but I had so much fun reconnecting and meeting everyone.  I wish everyone nothing but luck!”

The credits roll.

 

* * *

 

 

**Xx_xx_xx**

Omg JJ destroyed that lipsync!! Yas bitch YAASSSS!!!!

**Fingerlingin**

             When I heard genie in a bottle start palying I straight up came lmao its been years

**Xx_xx_xx**

                        Right? Me too tbh ;)

**asstoassandinbetween**

Awwww, poor blasfemia!! That look reall was kind of unfortunate tho…

              **ViktorVitya45**

               I feel like she was going for a so-ugly-its-cute thing, but it was just ugly :/

                            **asstoassandinbetween**

                           I can see that

                  **grabbyhans**

                  Is it baad that I kind of liked the outfit?

                            **Babadooooook**

                             Yes omg

                            +view more comments

**HermoinexRon4ever**

So are we ever gonna figure out what happened w Vik or???

**F_ckGuts**

Well I used to like ALmavivo, but shes obviously a misogynist *shrugs*

              **xSamarxSupportxSquadx**

               She said earlier she just wanted to make sure everyone knew she was gay, I’m sure she was just being dramtic

                            **F_ckGuts**

                             Uh,, I don’t think so?? You’re allowed to like her, but like….just acknowledge that sh’es problematic

                                          **xSamarxSupportxSquadx**

                                          Oh my fuvking god

                                          +view more comments

**Minakoismymom**

Aaaaaa I loved Femme’s runway??? So much???? And VIKTRO PICKED IT OUT FOR HER?????  That’s so cute I gota go cry now

              **BisforBitch**

              I’m so glad theyre becoming friends!  They’re so cute!

                            **Minakoismymom**

                             They have crushes on each other its so cute!! Ihope they get together!

                                          **FinlandH0**

                                           I ship them!! XD

**BisforBitch**

                                                    Hhhh please don’t ship real life people?? It’s creepy

                                                        +view more comments

**Babadooooook**

Cara was so fucing funny during the actual performance im so glad I love her so much like pls kill me you melodramatic mess

              **Carolynne5617**

             OK but can we please talk about that kiss???

                            **Babadooooook**

                             RIGHT??? Everyone’s on this whole Femme/Viktor thing, but Terra/Viktor is obviously where its at /sarcasm/ lmao

**Sarah Martinez**

ALMAVIVO VOICE I HATE WOMEN

**gaydean**

            IM SCREAMING WHAT THE HELL????

                            **Sarah Martinez**

                             Like if she hates women,, why does she dress as one??? Why does she do drag?????? I’m so confused.

**YESIDOTHECOOKING**

I’m just glad Kate bounced back after last week

              **Sarah Martinez**

              She and Femme were so cute together as the twins!! An her look was a LOOK ™

**Memefuccer**

I kind of think Robotica should have been in the bottom two,, her look was just as simplistic as JJ’s.  it’s not fair that just bc JJ is a bad actor that he got put in the bottom two

              **CioaCioa**

              Literally,.. the challenge was an acting challenge.  The point of drag race is to determine who is the best overall queen….so if JJ is a bad

             actor, she’s not the best overall drag queen

                            **Memefuccer**

                             Omg shut up Im just saying that Robotica didn’t exactly stand out in the play and JJ’s outfit was fine, but JJ was theon e in the

                             bottom.  It just seems unfair

**CioaCioa**

                                     ???? That still doesn’t make any sense.  Jst chill out, JJ’s still in the running geez

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri locked his phone and glanced at Phichit.

“Do you still keep in contact with Leo?”

Phichit scoffed.  “Who do you think I am?  Of course I keep in touch with him.”

“Is he still doing okay?”

Phichit didn’t even bother looking up from his phone.  “Just got a sponsorship with a contact company, actually.  And he recently got booked out in Cali with Robotica for a special show.”

“Oh, good for him.”

Yuuri ran a hand through Viktor’s hair.  He’d passed out halfway through the runway, and Yuuri hadn’t had the heart to wake him up.

“You gonna call it a night too?”

“Might as well,” Yuuri sighs.

“You mind if I crash on the couch?”

“Go for it.”  As gently as he could, Yuuri scooped Viktor up off the couch.  Viktor snuffled a little, but remained asleep.  It was difficult, but Yuuri managed to carry Viktor into their shared bedroom and tuck him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I know this took forever to come out but the next chapter might take even longer bc I need to focus on m other 2 WIPs, and I'm going to be going across the country for a con/vacation, and then right after that I'm going abroad for a pretty intense research opportunity so I might not have as much time to write this self-indulgent drivel lmao You can follow my tumblr for updates, which will be tagged #dragraceinternational

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and questions are always appreciated! You can come bother me on tumblr [here](http://bastetcg.tumblr.com/)  
> I love talking to people, especially about writing!!  
> And a huge thank you to Ginogollum who drew [this amazing Femme Fatale](https://ginogollum.tumblr.com/post/161097054428/a-fanart-based-on-bastetcg-wonderful-au-drag-race)  
> !  
> If you see/draw something for this AU please let me know!!! There is literally no better compliment for a writer than having someone draw something for them???? Even if you don't think it's good I garuntee it will make me cry tears of joy...


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